Hidden Pain
by Ghostwriter
Summary: Sam stayed. Sam followed orders. Sam was falling apart, but no one noticed.
1. Ultimatum

HIDDEN PAIN

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural belongs to the WB, which will soon be the CW. This is written for P.L. Winter's challenge of 'What if Sam didn't leave'. I use some lines from the original "Pilot". The only thing I own is the plot.

CHAPTER ONE: ULTIMATUM

Twenty-year old Sam Winchester stared in shock.

"I don't believe it," he said in amazement.

"This a good thing or a bad thing?" his older brother, twenty-four-year old Dean Winchester questioned.

"I got into Stanford," Sam reported excitedly. _What? Stanford? Dang. Way to go, Sammy_, the older brother thought. But there was just one problem.

"Dad'll never let you go," Dean reminded him.

"I don't care. I'll go anyways," Sam insisted. _He doesn't get it. Dad's totally suffocating me. If I stay here, I'll snap!_ he screamed inwardly.

"Sammy," Dean reproached. _I can't believe he'd actually go that far_, he thought to himself.

"Dude, I'm twenty. It's Sam," Sam corrected.

"You'll always be 'Sammy' to me," Dean stated.

"Oh. Just---go clean a knife or somethin'," Sam sneered.

"Good comeback," Dean teased. Sam just glared. Then, he went upstairs to his room where he began packing. About an hour later, John Winchester came home.

"Where's your brother?" he asked.

"In his room," Dean answered.

"Why? What happened?" John asked sharply. Then, he closed his eyes. _Reign it in, John. You're not mad at him_, he chided himself. "Did he say anything to you?" he questioned more calmly. Dean understood that the new tone was his father's unspoken way of apologizing.

"He got an acceptance letter. To Stanford," Dean replied. John was torn in two. One part of him was proud of his youngest son. The kid had worked his butt off for his grades. But the other side---the hunter side---wanted to keep his youngest close. There was real evil out there. If Sammy left, John wouldn't be able to protect him.

"Well, he's not going. He can't leave the family," John said gruffly.

"It's not your decision to make, Dad," a new voice said. John and Dean turned and watched as Sam walked down the stairs, a duffel bag over his shoulders. "It's not your decision, Dad. It's **mine**," he continued.

"Sammy, you can't leave," John stated.

"And why not? It's a great opportunity," Sam pointed out.

"Because you have a responsibility," John reminded him. Sam bit back an irritated sigh. Not this again!

"To what? To you and your crusade? Dad, face it, if it weren't for pictures, I wouldn't even know what Mom looked like," he said. Dean looked away.

"You can't just leave. You can't just abandon us," John told him.

"'Abandon'? I'm not abandoning you, Dad! I just---I want to live my own life!" Sam shouted, finally losing his cool.

"Guys, come on. Just calm down," Dean told them. But it was too late. Sam and John had already gotten caught up in their own emotions.

"You have a life, Sammy! Hunting evil!" John shouted.

"No! That's **your** life!" Sam screamed. "I'm going, Dad. I'm going, and you can't stop me!" he continued angrily. With that, he headed towards the door.

"Sammy, you walk out that door, don't you come back!" John yelled. Dean's head swiveled sharply towards their father and Sam stopped mid-step.

"Dad, you don't mean that," the older boy said softly.

"Like heck I don't," their father responded. For a moment, Sam just stood where he was. Then, he sighed and nodded his head. Dean saw Sam's shoulders slump and then he turned around.

"Okay, Dad. I won't leave," he whispered. "Just uh---let me put my stuff away," he continued. Then, he headed back upstairs.

"Sammy," Dean said.

"**Don**'**t**. Just...**don**'**t**," Sam replied. Then, he walked upstairs.


	2. Secret Release

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural belongs to the WB, which will soon be the CW. I only own the plot and characters you don't recognize.

TWO MONTHS LATER

Sam and Dean cocked their pistols. Sam blew out a breath.

"What?" Dean questioned.

"Nothin'. Just worried," Sam answered.

"Yeah. I know what you mean. That poltergeist sounded pretty nasty," Dean agreed.

"Yeah," Sam said. His eyes clouded. _I can't believe I decided to stay_, he thought to himself. Sure, he and his dad weren't fighting anymore. But they also weren't talking. Unless of course, it had something to do with a job. Hearing footsteps, the two whirled around and stood at attention.

"I want you boys to be careful. This thing's almost killed this family before. It won't have any qualms about trying again," John cautioned.

"Yes, Sir," Sam and Dean chorused. They packed their weapons and then followed their father to the house. Once there, John banged the door open.

"Help us, please! It's trying to kill us!" the mother pleaded.

"Sammy, get the family out of here now!" John barked. Sam immediately ushered the family---the mom and her two kids---out the door. As soon as the family was safe, the Winchesters went into the house and went to the kitchen, where the poltergeist had been seen the most.

"Come on, ugly. Show yourself," Sam dared. Almost immediately, the temperature in the room dropped.

"Great idea, Sammy. Tick it off," Dean scolded. He was pushed back by an invisible force.

"DEAN!" Sam shouted. He pointed to where it looked like the thing was and fired. Something hit a wall. Dean rose to his feet and followed his brother's example. Suddenly, there was a gust of wind and the brothers felt themselves flying backwards. They moaned as they hit a wall. Through their haze, they heard their father speaking in Latin. Even in their befuddled state, they recognized the words as a banishment spell. There was a brilliant light and then---nothing.

"Sammy! Dean!" John called. He ran to them. "You boys okay?" he asked in concern.

"Yes, Sir," they replied together. The older man carefully helped his sons up. The Winchesters walked out of the house.

"Is it gone?" the little boy questioned.

"Yeah. It's gone. It won't be back," Sam promised.

"Thank you. Thank you all," the mother said.

"You're welcome," Sam responded with a smile.

"Come on, boys. Let's get going," John ordered.

"Yes, Sir," Sam and Dean said together. The three walked away. John went to his truck and Sam and Dean went to Dean's 1967 Chevy Impala. Dean looked at the younger boy.

"Hey. You okay?" he questioned.

"Yeah," came the curt response.

"Come on, man. What's up?" Dean prodded.

"Nothing. I'm fine. Just keep your eyes on the road," Sam insisted.

"Yeah, okay," Dean agreed. Minutes later, they reached their hotel room.

"I need a shower," Sam said as they walked in. John watched as Sam headed for the bathroom.

"Dean, is Sammy all right?" the man questioned.

"As far as I know. He's not talking to me," was the response. In the bathroom, Sam turned on the shower, de-armed himself, and then got undressed. As he removed his shirt, he caught sight of the two-month old scars on his left wrist. _Man. I hate this life. I hate hunting. I hate moving around. But it's all we do_, he thought to himself. As soon as he was finished undressing, he grabbed a knife and got into the shower, where he placed the weapon on the soap rack. For a few minutes, he let the water rush over him. The young hunter winced when the hot water hit his bruises, but said nothing. Then, he took the knife and pressed the blade against his skin. He grunted, but kept otherwise silent as he watched the blood drip down and wash away in the water.


	3. Strange Behavior

SHOUTOUTS\ANSWERS

Blazingfire03: New reviewer. Cool. Yeah, Sam's gonna go through a lot in this fic. Well, even though I generally like him, John's gonna be a little different than how I usually portray him. Sorry this update's not soon enough.

Mimifoxlove: Well, he's gonna be different than how I usually write him. He feels it, but doesn't know how to say it.

Supernatural Fan: Yay. New reviewer. Thanks. Here's more. Sorry it's not soon enough.

Spuffyshipper: Thanks. Yep. Here's more. Sorry it's not soon enough.

Midnight893: I'm glad.

Windyfontaine: Thanks. Here's the next part.

Kokomocalifornia: Yep. Good, that means I've done a good job in making this believeable. Here's the next update.

Bethany16: Yay. New reviewer. I take it you like it. Yes, there's more. Sorry it took so long though.

Jayme (Ch 1): Thanks. Glad you think so. Thanks. Here's the next chap. Sorry it's taken so long.

Immortalwizardpirateelf-fan: Yep. Thanks. I will.

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural belongs to the WB, which will soon be the CW. I only own the plot and characters you don't recognize.

The next morning, Sam awoke with a groan. The hotel's bed wasn't exactly equipped for a guy that was six-two and he hadn't gotten much sleep.

"Mornin' sunshine," his brother greeted.

"Ohhhh. Bite me," came the moan. Dean laughed. Sam climbed out of the bed, grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the bathroom. Dean frowned in confusion. What was up with Sammy? He had never been shy about changing in front of him and Dad before. Why was he getting all Opie now? Just then John came out of his own room.

"Where's your brother?" he asked.

"Bathroom. Changing," was the answer.

"Hmm," came the response. John's brow furrowed. He wasn't sure what had been going on with his youngest son these past two months, but he hoped it wouldn't get in the way of his job. He needed both of his boys at a hundred percent. Inside the bathroom, Sam had just zipped up his jeans and was now putting on his shirt. The fabric brushed against his newest cut and he winced in pain. But he didn't mind. Pain was good. Pain was better than thinking about how messed up and bizzare his life was. In a way, he relished it. But if Dad or Dean ever found out...there'd be heck to pay. Just then, he heard pounding on the door.

"Sammy! If you don't come out, I'm gonna kick this door in!" Dean yelled.

"Oh, keep your shirt on!" Sam called. He finished dressing and walked out of the bathroom.

"You boys packed?" John asked.

"Yes, Sir," Sam and Dean chorused.

"Good. Let's hit the road," John stated. All three grabbed their duffels and walked out of the room. After paying one last time, John and Dean got into their respective vehicles and took off. As a _Led Zeppelin_ song played, Dean glanced at his brother.

"Hey. You okay?" he queried.

"Yeah," the younger boy answered. Dean fell silent. He didn't buy it, but he wasn't gonna push. Pushin' an issue only led to a chick-flick moment. And there was no way that he'd **ever** initiate one of **those**. Sam sighed and leaned against the seat. How he wished he were anywhere else. His thoughts drifted, wondering what it'd be like had he actually left. _I bet I'd be at the top of my class. I bet I'd have friends, a girlfriend...normal things. Like everybody else. I bet I'd be happy_, he thought to himself. He shook his head slightly, clearing his thoughts. It wasn't like that would ever happen. He had had his chance to leave, and he had blown it. There was no use in dwelling on what could've been. Meanwhile, in his truck, John frowned. A country western song was playing, but the man barely heard it. Sammy had seemed a little off this morning. Had he gotten enough sleep? Had the previous hunt taken a bigger toll on his son than he had originally thought? _No. If Sammy was hurt, he'd tell me_, John silently told himself. Sam was a Winchester. He was tough. He could take anything. Even gettin' slammed by an invisible ghost. The boy was probably just tired. The hotel beds weren't exactly the best thing any of them had ever slept on. **Heck**, he had had trouble finding a comfortable position and a was an ex-Marine. He had been trained to sleep on anything anywhere he was. John turned up the radio and let the music chase away his confused thoughts.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

"Opie" refers to the young kid on "The Andy Griffith Show". I know it's not the best reference, but it was ten-fifty-three when I wrote this. Sorry this chap is so short. I promise the next one will be longer.


	4. Next Gig

SHOUTOUTS\ANSWERS

Talon81: Thanks. Keep readin'.

Windyfontaine: Well, hope you're still settled in. I'm glad you like it so far. Here's the next chap. Thanks. You too.

Pizzapixie: Hey! Good to see ya. Thanks. Here's a bit longer. Sorry the update's not soon enough.

SammyJaredfan: Hey, good to see ya. Thanks. Mine too. We'll see. Uh, well, can't make any promises on **that**.

Spuffyshipper: Thanks. Nope. They're a little different in this story. Here's the update. Sorry it's not soon enough.

CrazyDisaster: Hey. Welcome back. Thanks. Yep. He thanks you. Glad you like. Here's more.

Bethany16: Yeah, I know. Sorry. It was late when I wrote that last chapter and I wasn't listenin' to classic rock which gets my Supernatural story juices flowin'. Here's more.

Jayme: Yep. We'll see.

Kokomocalifornia: Welcome back. No, it wasn't just you. It **was** too short. Sorry. Here's the update.

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural belongs to the WB, which will soon be the CW. I only own the plot and characters you don't recognize.

Two hours later, the family arrived in a small town. Where they were, Sam had no idea. But it didn't matter. All the towns were the same.

"Welcome to Anywhere, USA," he griped.

"Cute," his brother stated. Then, "Dad, what are we doing here? What'd you find out?"

"As far as I know, there's nothing here but a nicer hotel," John replied. _A hotel's a hotel_, Sam thought dourly. But he didn't say this out loud. It was nice of their father to try some place a bit nicer to stay in. John walked to the hotel and into the lobby.

"Two rooms. Me and my two boys," he said gruffly. He paid with the card and was handed two keys.

"Boys! Let's go!" he called.

"Yes, Sir!" the desk clerk heard two voices responded. Then, two boys came in and joined the man. John gave Dean a key and the brothers went to one room, while John went to the room right next to it. The boys unpacked their duffels.

"You want the bed?" Dean offered.

"Whatever," Sam shrugged.

"Dude, what's wrong with you?" Dean questioned.

"Nothin'," Sam lied.

"Fine. Whatever," Dean said. What no one knew, was that at that moment, a black mist was traveling through the hotel, searching. It stopped at room 111. It could feel the self-loathing emitting from the room. The mist slipped through crack underneath the door. In front of the bathroom mirror was an eighteen-year old boy with dark hair.

"Weak. You're weak," the boy accused. He lifted an arm to reveal cuts all up and down his skin. Why was he doing this? Why was he so weak? How come he just couldn't deal? These thoughts raced through the boy's head. He was so preoccupied, that he failed to notice the mist as it came up behind him. He inhaled, and then groaned as he felt something enter his body. The boy tried to fight, but it was to no avail. He lifted his head and stared once more at the mirror. However, instead of their normal hazel color, his eyes were a marble black.

"Weak little human," a deep voice sneered. The demon glanced down.

"Ah. Yes. I understand," it chuckled, picking up the razor. _No!_ the boy screamed inwardly. He was---he was trying to stop. He had promised not to cut. He had promised. He had to---he had to stop this thing, whatever it was. The demon frowned. He could feel his host trying to fight his control. It searched his memories. Then, he grinned. So. The boy had been found out and had made a promise to his parents that he wouldn't cut again. Well, he was about to break that promise...**permanently**. The boy inwardly groaned when he felt the cool blade against his skin. He tried to fight, but he couldn't even move his own body. _No, no, no, no, no! Help me! Somebody help me!_ the boy's mind screamed. He didn't want to die. He was only eighteen. He was just about to start college. This was his last thought as he faded into darkness. Once the demon's felt his host's life force fade, he disappeared. Back in their room, Sam and Dean were wondering what to do when they heard a scream! Instantly, the brothers were on their feet and out the door.

"Dad, what's goin' on?" Dean questioned, seeing their father.

"I don't know. I was in my room when I heard screaming," John replied. The brothers barely noticed everybody else as desk clerk pushed his way through the crowd.

"Excuse me, excuse me. MOVE IT!" he bellowed. Dean chuckled at the change of tone. As one, the Winchesters moved closer.

"Dad," Sam whispered, noticing a faint trace of black in the room.

"I see it too, Sammy," John murmured. _Good eye, son_, he thought to himself.

"A demon," Dean realized softly.

"What happened?" Sam asked the woman next to him.

"So sad. The poor family. Their son just committed suicide," she answered. Sam's Adam's apple shook. Suicide? The demon had made the kid kill himself? _Dang. We got ourselves a nasty one_, he silently thought. John noticed the sudden nervousness of his son.

"You okay, Sammy?" he queried.

"Yes, Sir," was the response. "It's just---I just don't know why anyone would take their own life," he continued.

"I don't know either, Sammy," his father said. John, Sam, and Dean stared at each other. Each was thinking the same thing. They had a new gig.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Okay, I know this probably isn't that long either, but at least it was longer than my other chap.


	5. Next Victim

SHOUTOUTS\ANSWERS

Bethany16: Good. I will. Normally I would, but I'm working on two different stories. I understand. I often feel that waymyself.

Kokomocalifornia: Good. Yeah, it was.

Pizzapixie: No worries. You didn't. Thanks. Glad you approve. Hope this is soon enough.

DeanandSam'sgirl1814: Hey, good to see you. When are you going to update your fic? Thanks. Here's more. I will.

Snfan: Hey. Good to see ya. Thanks. Glad you like. Hope this is soon enough.

Windyfontaine: Oh, good. Keep readin' and see. Here's more.

Blazingfire03: Where have I seen ya before? Thanks. You'll see. Hope this is soon enough.

Eddy6401: New reviewer. Cool. Maybe. Not necessarily. From what I understand about the disease, the person feels like they have no other way to deal with the pain and resort to self-mutilation, though they don't want to kill themselves.

Talon81: New reviewer. Cool. Yep. Yep. Thanks. Hope this is soon enough.

Sparks Diamond: Hey. It's been a while since I've seen ya. Thanks. I will.

Spuffyshipper: Thanks. Yeah. That sounds fun. Wow. Cool. Hope this is soon enough.

Jayme: Thanks.

Dawn N: New reviewer. Cool. Especially since I know your stories rock. Good. That means I've done my job. Someone been givin' away my plotlines again? Good. Well, just read on and see.

Immortalwizardpirateelf-fan: Nope. Well, you'll just have to read on to see what happened.

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural and it's original characters belong to the WB, which will soon be the CW. I only own the plot and characters you don't recognize. For the demon's pov "it" and "him" are interchangeable.

The police and hotel manager made the crowd disperse and the Winchesters went back to their hotel room.

"Dad, what do we do? I mean, we've never come against a demon that made its host kill themselves before," Sam worried. John blew out a breath.

"I don't know, Sammy," he answered. "But this scares me. It really does," he continued.

"Well, if you ask me, the little wimp got what he deserved," Dean stated.

"Dean," Sam said in surprise. _How can he say that?_ he wondered.

"Oh, come on, Sammy. Granted, the kid probably didn't realize he had a demon inside of him, but if something tried to make him kill himself, he shoulda fought it," Dean determined. _Can't Sammy see that this kid was weak and paid the price for it?_ he asked himself.

"Oh, you think because the demon was stronger than this kid, he deserved to die?" Sam questioned angrily.

"Okay, that's enough. Both of you," John broke in. "Dean, your attitude's not helping. Sammy, you shouldn't be so sensitive," he continued. Sam huffed angrily. He couldn't believe Dean. Blaming the kid for having a demon in him. What a jerk. They didn't know the kid's mental state. Maybe he had **tried** to fight. Suddenly, he was aware of his father's voice.

"Yes, Sir?" Sam asked quickly.

"Help Dean put a ring of salt around the bed, windows, and doors. Then you two will help me put up some other protective charms," John repeated.

"Yes, Sir," Sam acknowledged. He then went to do the task. Dean glanced at his brother who was spreading salt on a window sill. How come Sammy had gotten so bent out of shape about this kid? It wasn't like either of them had known him. When they were done fortifying the room two hours later, John looked at his watch.

"It's about time to get something to eat," he realized.

"I noticed a Burger King across the street," Dean mentioned.

"I'll get it," Sam offered "Usual?" he queried.

"Yep," was the response from his brother and father. Sam grabbed some cash and headed for the door.

"Wait," John said suddenly. Sam looked at him confusion. The man handed his son a large knife.

"Just in case," he stated. Sam gave a curt nod and strapped the knife to his waist where it was hidden underneath his jacket. Then, he left the room and went to the Burger King his brother had seen. Little did he know, the black mist of the demon was following him. It followed him into the restaurant where he ordered three burgers, fries, and three large sodas. It waited until there was no one around, and then made its move. Sam groaned as he felt something entering his body. _The demon. The demon's trying to take control of me_, he realized.

"Cristo," he said. He felt the demon shudder. He repeated the word. Without warning, Sam felt something crushing his throat. He groaned and began to reach down towards his waist. His arm fell back. _NOOOOO!_ his mind howled right before his blue eyes turned into marble black.

"Sir? Are you okay?" he heard a woman ask.

"I'm fine, thanks," he heard himself answer. He walked on. He continued until he got in front of the door where he was staying. The demon tried the knob, but growled when he felt the presence of salt. It heard noises from behind the door and surmised that its occupants were most likely arming themselves. _Oh, don't you worry, John. Your boy's here_, the demon smirked. From the depths of his mind, Sam struggled to gain control. _ You won't get them. I won't let you_, he thought defiantly. The demon chuckled. He could taste the young hunter's fear. Then, he caught the scent of something else: shame. Slightly confused, it looked down. It grinned when he saw the scars. _Oh. No wonder I was attracted to you_, he stated. He would've said it out loud, but he wasn't ready for the other hunters to hear him just yet. Using Sam's hand, the demon reached down at its waist. _No way. They'll never buy it_, Sam told him, realizing the thing's plan. _Sure they will. You've got the scars, don't you?_ the demon tossed back. He winced when he felt the cool blade against his skin. The blade moved down to a vein. Without warning, the black eyes disappeared.

"Dad...Dean...help," he said frantically. Then, he moaned and fell to his knees. From far away, he heard a door opening and then his brother's voice.

"Sammy? Sammy! Sammy!" Then, there was nothing but silence.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Yes, I know Sam's been trained to be alert and probably would've noticed he was being followed, but this is the way I planned it.


	6. Letting It All Out

SHOUTOUTS\ANSWERS

Kokomocalifornia: Yep. I will.

Deana-Samantha: Hey, it's been awhile. Thanks. Hope this update's soon enough. I will if you do.

DeanandSamsgirl814: Hey. Good to see you. Thanks. Okay. I understand. Didn't mean to push. Hope this is soon enough.

Bethany16: Really? I had thought it was longer. Sorry. My mistake. Here's the next chap.

Mimifoxlove: Yes, they are. Sums 'em up. Yep.

Noname32: New reviewer...I think. Thanks. Read on and see. Thanks. Here's an update.

SammyJaredfan: Thanks. Here you go. Not sure if it's angsty enough. Both valid points. That's okay. I do that too. Thanks. I will.

Soccerbabe12 (ch 4, 5): New reviewer. Yay! We'll see. Thanks. Hope this is soon enough. Glad you think so. I will. Thanks. Hope this is soon enough.

Supernaturalsign: New reviewer. Cool. Awesome handle. Hope this is soon enough.

Calistra (ch 1, 5): Thanks. Okie-doke. Thanks. Yep. Very angsty, I think.

Susan82: New reviewer. Welcome. I'm glad. Read on and see. Yep.

Dawn N: Sorry. Thanks. Hope this is soon enough.

Raven524: Hey, where've ya been? That's okay. Actually, I **didn**'**t** know that. Glad I could oblige. Here's the next chap. See ya!

Kay05: New reviewer. Welcome aboard. Whatever you say. Thanks. Here's more.

Happybear 2005: Read on and see. Yes, we are. That's a good question actually. Thanks. Hope this is soon enough.

Windyfontaine: Sorry. Oh, good. It's believable. Read on and see. Thanks.

Sparks Diamond: Thanks. Hope this is soon enough.

Sammysgurl: Hey, it's been awhile. Thanks. Glad you think so. Okay. Read on. You're welcome.

Blazingfire03: Well, let's see: I'm the author and it's my story. Hope the update is soon enough. Read on.

Spuffyshipper: Thanks. Yay you. Ouch. My condolences. Hope this is soon enough.

Talon81: Thanks. Yep. Thanks. Here's more.

Jayme: Thanks. Yep.

Dreema Azaleia Wingblade: New reviewer. Yay me. Whoa. What a handle. It's cool though. Thanks. Here's the next chap.

Rosalene: New reviewer. Yay. Glad you like it. Yeah, well, John's the father, Sam can't exactly object. Yep. Thanks. Yeah, I'm workin' on that.

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural and its characters belong to the WB, which will soon be the CW. I only own the plot and anything you don't recognize. I'm not sure what the hospital policy is for cutting, so I'm just gonna make some stuff up.

John kept his foot on the pedal. He had to get Sammy to the hospital. He and Dean had exorcised the demon and then wrapped a towel around Sam's wound. The oldest Winchester sighed in relief when he finally saw the entrance for the hospital. He dragged Sam out of the truck. The boy moaned.

"Easy, Sammy. We're gonna get you some help," John soothed seeing his son awaken. Dean got out of the Impala and put one of Sam's arms around his shoulder. Sam grunted in pain.

"Sorry," Dean apologized. Then, they hurried into the hospital."Help us!" John called.

"What is it?" a nurse asked, coming over.

"My son had an accident. He was chopping meat when the knife slipped. He cut himself pretty bad," John told her.

"Right this way," the nurse said, leading them to a room. John and Dean carefully sat Sam down.

"Okay, let's see the damage," she stated. The younger boy froze. The scars. He couldn't let his family see the scars.

"Dad, do you and Dean mind waiting outside?" Sam asked quickly. He knew what the nurse would see and he didn't want his family to know.

"What?" John queried. Had he heard right? Had Sammy just asked them to leave?

"Please. Just...**please**," Sam insisted.

"I think you two better leave," the nurse told them.

"But---" Dean began to object.

"Dean, do as she says," John interrupted.

"Yes, Sir," Dean sighed in resignation. The two walked out of the room and the nurse lifted away the towel.

"Oh. Oh, son," she breathed, seeing the previous cuts. "Why? And how long" she wondered.

"Two months now. I just---I just didn't know how to deal. Our family---we don't talk. So I---I cut. And all the pain goes away and I don't have to think about it," Sam responded.

"So what happened? Did you just go a little too far this time?" the nurse asked, as she bandaged the wound.

"No. I---I've never cut on the vein. It happened just like my dad said. I was choppin' meat and the knife slipped," Sam stated.

"Son, you should be aware that I'm going to have to tell your father about this," the nurse told him.

"No! I don't want him knowing!" Sam exclaimed, jumping up.

"Look, if you don't get yourself some counseling, I'm going to have to admit you for a psych eval," the nurse told him. Sam blew out a breath and hung his head.

"Okay, fine. Whatever," he agreed. The nurse walked out into the hall.

"How is he?" Dean asked.

"I need to talk to your father alone," the nurse stated.

"Anything you want to say in front of me, you can say in front of Dean," John replied.

"Sir, your youngest son is a cutter," the nurse told him. John opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out.

"He's a what?" he finally questioned after two more tries.

"He's a cutter," the nurse repeated.

"What are you talkin' about?" Dean queried sharply.

"I was tending to his wrist when I noticed some other cuts. He admitted to causing them himself and that he's being so for the last two months," she continued.

"**Two months**?" John repeated.

"Sammy's been slashin' his wrist for the past two months? How stupid can he be?" Dean questioned furiously.

"Now, hold on. That's just the kind of thing your brother doesn't need to hear right now," the nurse admonished sharply. "I would advise you to get him some counseling," she continued more gently.

"Oh, come on," Dean scoffed.

"Dean, shut up," John snapped. Dean made a noise of surprise, but then fell silent. John turned to the nurse.

"Thank you for telling me this. I'll see that he gets some help," he told her. He and Dean walked back into the room.

"Sammy." The boy looked up at the sound of his father's voice.

"So you know," he said softly.

"Why Sammy? Why would you do something like this?" John wondered.

"Because it makes all the pain inside go away," Sam answered. "Everything just leaks out and I don't gotta deal with it anymore," he continued.

"You coulda just talked to us," Dean snapped.

"Oh, please, Dean," Sam tossed back, jumping off the table. "This family doesn't talk. There's just orders or ultimatums," he continued. John blanched. That was an obvious dig at what he had done to his son. _Oh, Sammy. This was all my fault. I'm sorry_, he thought. "You guys---you're the hunters, not me. I hate this life and that's never gonna change," he told them.

"Maybe not. But one thing **will**," John said. Confused and surprised, the boys looked at their father.

"What? What's gonna change?" Sam wondered.

"If any of us ever have a problem, we're **gonna** talk about it. No more pushing our feelings aside. It's not healthy," John declared.

"Yes, Sir," Sam and Dean chorused. _It's a start. I'll give him that_, Sam silently determined. They signed Sam out and then walked back to the truck.

"Dad?" Sam asked.

"Yes, son?" John acknowledged.

"Do I still have to go some shrink?" Sam questioned.

"Only if you want to, Sammy," John replied.

"No, Sir. I'm fine with our agreement," Sam answered. They got into the truck and John turned on the radio. Sam and Dean groaned as Randy Travis was heard.

"Oh, come on, Dad. Switch the dial," Dean complained.

"Yeah. **Dean**'**s** music is better than this," Sam added.

"Boys, what are the rules?" John queried.

"Driver picks the music---" the two boys began.

"Shotgun shuts his cakehole," the three finished together.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Don't worry. There's one more chap after this.


	7. Finally Talking

SHOUTOUTS\ANSWERS

Bethany16: Thanks. Here you go. **Never**.

IheartPadalecki: Hey, that's okay. Yeah, it is. Glad you like.

Mimfoxlove: Well, it was about time. Yep.

Long-Live-Christopher: Thanks. Glad you think so. Oh, sorry. I told you I didn't know hospital policy about cutting. Yeah, I guess you're right about John, but, oh well.

Noname32: Thanks. I will. Glad you like it. Hope this is soon enough.

Sammysgurl: Thanks. Yep.

Sparks Diamond: Yep. Read on and see. Here's more.

Kay05: Well, it was about time. Here you go.

Spuffyshipper: Thanks. Yay you. As Dean would say, "Good times". Yep. Hope this is soon enough.

Raven524: Thanks. Here you go.

Talon81: Thanks. Here you go. Keep readin'.

Calistra: Thanks. Good. I did my job. Accordin' to the boys, yes. Good.

Jayme: Thanks.

Windyfontaine: Yep. Thanks. Keep readin'. Ah, no. It was just a one time deal. Sorry. Here you go. I will. You too.

Dreema Azaleia Wingblade: Glad you like it. Boy howdy on that one. What is with people making John an abusive jerk? We'll see. Hope this is soon enough.

Immortalwizardpirateelf-fan: Maybe. Hmm. Good point.

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural belongs to the WB, which will soon be the CW. I only characters you don't recognize and the plot.

Two days later, Sam and Dean packed their things.

"Can you believe what went down?" Dean queried.

"I'm just glad you and Dad were able to banish the freak," Sam responded. His eyes clouded.

"Hey. You all right?" Dean questioned, picking up the change in demeanor. His brother shrugged.

"I don't know. It's just---" Sam trailed off, unsure of how to put his feelings. "The demon---it fed off of shame. I---I think it may have been going after cutters," he continued.

"Dang. And you were right in the middle of it," Dean realized.

"Yeah," Sam agreed. He sighed. "You know, if I hadn't be so weak---" he continued.

"Whoa. Stop right there," Dean interrupted. "None of us knew this freak was here. And if we had---we woulda---" he trailed off, not sure of how far he should go. He wanted to give his brother a chance to talk, but he didn't want to pry.

"I tried to fight it---I said 'Cristo'---" Sam began.

"Sam, it wasn't your fault. What the freak did to you was not your fault," Dean interrupted.

"Your brother's right," John agreed.

"But it was attracted to me because of my cutting," Sam said.

"Even so Sammy, you tried to fight. You gained control long enough to make sure you got yourself some help," John reminded his son.

"So I wasn't weak?" Sam asked.

"Absolutely not," John replied.

"Yeah, come on, man. We all know how hard it is to fight against a demon when he tries to use you for a hotel," Dean agreed, using just a little humor. Sam laughed.

"A hotel?" he questioned. "Dude," he chuckled. Dean looked at his brother.

"It wasn't **that** funny," he stated.

"Oh, I know, man. It's just---I totally needed that man," was the laughing response. John and Dean stared at Sam.

"Dad, I think Sammy's lost his mind," the older brother stated.

"He must've. He's laughing at **your** dumb jokes," his father said.

"HEY!" Dean protested. Sam laughed harder.

"Okay, that's enough," John said after awhile.

"Yes, Sir," Sam and Dean agreed, instantly calming down.

"Get your things. I'm taking you boys to Paster Jim's to recover," John told them.

"Dad, we can still work," Sam assured.

"No. We've all been through a lot. We need to recuperate," John disagreed. "Especially **you**, Sammy," he continued.

"Why? Because I got weak? Because I'm not at a hundred percent?" Sam pressed.

"Stop right there. That's not why, Sammy. It's because I'm worried," John told him.

"Worried? About **me**?" Sam wondered.

"Of course. I'm your father," John responded. "Dang, Sammy. When I saw all that blood---I thought I lost you. And that scared the heck outta me," he continued.

"Really?" Sam asked. John put a hand on Sam's shoulder.

"Yeah, Sammy. You boys---you're all I have left of your mother. And losing you---it'd be like losing Mary all over again," he said. Sam just stood there. _Wow. I've never heard Dad speak like this before_, he thought.

"Thanks, Dad. I---I really needed to hear that," he said out loud. Dean cleared his throat.

"Okay. No chick-flicks. Let's just get this show on the road, huh?" he suggested. John and Sam laughed.

"My son," John stated.

"What a tough guy," Sam added.

"Come on, boys. Let's get going," John instructed.

"Yes, Sir," Sam and Dean chorused. With that, the three men left the hotel room. John got into his truck and Sam and Dean got into Dean's Impala. Then, both started down the road.

THE END


End file.
